“Leave nothing in the locker”

Posting pictures in my wheelchair, with just boxer shorts on, in a gym pose, is something I never do and have never done in 25 years of being in a chair, let alone age 46. However, this image absolutely is the culmination of my efforts to do all I could to compete in the Parasurfing World Championships 2024 in Huntington Beach, California.

Having been long out of competitive para sports for a number of years, when I hopped on a surf board for the first time in May 2024, won the English Parasurfing open category in July 2024, to then being selected as a wildcard for the world championships 6 months after I first surfed, I knew I had a ridiculous mountain to climb in a stupidly small amount of time. I’ve seen in wheelchair rugby throughout the years when someone new comes into the sport, does well, and is then selected to compete at the highest level so early, all the basics of the sport get skipped past and not finessed – there just isn’t time. I knew in my heart of hearts that I could dream as we all do, but experience and reality told me I just had to do as much as I could to lose weight, get fit, surf as much as possible, get strong, get the equipment I needed and be the best I could realistically be within 6 months of catching my first waves in Bude, Cornwall with Adsurf and Surfing England. I was never going to be technically better than others, understand the waves like others, but I could do all I could to know that all that was stopping me was my experience, and nothing that I could have done more in myself. After the first day’s heat, and having the hardest heat physically out of all in my category, it certainly paid off, my fitness and strength (as well as my coaches) were put to the test. I’ll cover that in the next blog.

I have always hated my body post spinal cord injury at the age of 21 where I shattered my c6 vertebrae and put a cut in my cord. I am paralysed below the chest, I have no stomach or back muscles, or lower limb muscles to control, they do what they like and essentially waste away. I have no muscle to hold my stomach in anymore, what I eat, shows as a pot belly aka ‘quad belly’, as referred to by other broken neck spinal injuries. If I am bloated, backed up, eaten too much, everything shows and it just looks like a fat belly. I hate it, usual shit with age and genetics like a double chin etc, all the usual shit we have hang ups about as human beings… But then you throw a fuckin wheelchair in as well! I hate hate hate pictures of me in a wheelchair. 21 years of life on 2 feet, my brain never gets use to the wheelchair, even most of my dreams I am as I was pre-injury, even 25 years later it’s a mixture of able and disabled dreams. So, needless to say, for me to post a picture like the above is a big deal for me, but I worked fuckin hard to go from overweight and weak, to fit and strong in a short space, and I am proud of that picture. Every time I wheel into my gym I know I am the only wheelchair guy going in there, I know everyone will look at me the second I start getting my chair out of the car and putting the wheels on, I know I have nowhere to hide its just fucking reality. It took me a long time to have that mindset that people look at me out of respect, than out of being rude. If they do it out of pity… I look at the life I have and had post injury and pity them 99% of the time.

Body dysmorphia has plagued me from day dot of my injury, my quad belly looking like its 3 times the size it was, my arms looking way skinnier than they were because of my fear of muscle and strength loss etc etc. it’s fucked me up over the years, from convincing myself I was thinner than I was, or fatter than I was when I lost insane amounts of weight and made myself ill. It is a hard thing to find that balance, I even had tattoos in some places like my skinny wrists to help distract from my insecurities. Body dysmorphia sucks, and it affects nearly everyone I see in the gym in some way or another, most do not even realise it! In a weird way it can be a blessing because it motivates me to stay well away from obesity, and strong enough to be able to take an opportunity when it comes my way, like Parasurfing. If I did not have the basic core fitness and strength from my own everyday gym and life, I never would have been able to do what I did to get in the shape I was within 6 months to even compete, go from training twice a week to within a couple of weeks training and surfing 5 to 6 days a week…. let alone get smashed to bits by big waves in Surf City, California!

Fair to say, I do not like lazy unmotivated people, especially those with able bodies and no other excuse not to be a future healthcare burden than their own bullshit excuses.

The reality behind that photo above and this Instagram generation… I took it first thing in the morning in California, dehydrated after hours of flying and driving, empty stomach and body still tight from just getting up and moving in the morning. Needless to say within 2 hours it sagged and bloated, after a few weeks in California and cheese burgers – it was all gone!!

A little note to you that might struggle like I do with body dysmorphia and seeing images online, remember what goes into the images you see and how manufactured they are, just to be taken in most cases: Could be steroids, starvation, dehydration…

“Don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing ok, fuck everyone else, you do you and you’ll be just fine.”

Anyways…. that was an insane journey last year, I will share the parasurfing championships stuff in another post. I just wanted to share this post, tell you to keep a basic level of fitness no matter what your head is telling you… not just for your health and your family, but for an opportunity that might just come your way. Don’t fear the unknown or a new challenge, embrace it. That could be anything in life, from work to sport to a leisure activity. Don’t be an excuse maker, be an opportunity taker, be a positive embracer, not a negative rejecter.

Truth is, as in the picture below on the shoulder press toward the end of months of training, I felt old, looked old because I was so tired, I was fucking exhausted. But it was so worth it.

“Face your fears, they’re not an issue if you just crack the fuck on and ignore them.”